Grateful kids are total parent goals. Who doesn’t want a kid who appreciates being driven to parties and soccer, who gets that the act of making dinner involves not just cooking but budgeting, meal planning and shopping?
From the start I was determined to raise grateful kids because our heart tells us—and research doubles down on it—that true happiness comes from gratitude and caring about others. It doesn’t come from shiny new distractions you can buy.
Raising grateful kids who appreciate all they have is a major parenting goal. Numerous studies have shown a strong predictor of happiness—even among the younger generation—is gratitude. It’s the key essence in kids’ social emotional development.
By setting up systems early, parents make sure their kids organically develop thankfulness that anchors them to lasting happiness and fulfillment. Hand on heart, I can say I’ve never had a complaining child. My kids are super grateful because at my place, gratitude starts with respect.
Children come into the world selfish, with only emotions, imagination and feelings. It’s up to us to create the blueprint of gratitude and self-awareness. If a child is complaining, we haven’t shown them the right pathway and they’re trapped in the essence of ‘me’.
The key is to give them perspective on the wider world so they get why they should be grateful. Most kids aren’t ungrateful on purpose, they just have limited life experience.
When they understand the bigger holistic picture, they want to be part of it. Gratitude anchors them to understanding anything outside themselves. This is why I created the Happy Life System.
A lot of parents tell me their kids have tantrums in aisle four: ‘I want that!’ The public meltdown is a common scenario that parents don’t know how to deal with. It’s all about instilling gratitude, not good manners.
Any child is going to be impulsive in that moment. They will test you and push boundaries so you need to know your coping mechanism ahead of the situation.
- Lay the foundation for gratitude and anchor into your system before you go into the store. Say to the kids, ‘I am picking up just two things: bananas and strawberries.”
- Tell the kids you’re on a quest to find those two things and they are the leaders of the quest. Create a game: “I need your help you guys, let’s teamwork this. Who can find these items the fastest! Your goal is to get their minds into play mode and yours as well!”
- Should they rise to the occasion, honor them, celebrate them, through a party: “You’re an amazing teammate. How do you want me to celebrate you?” Work together to create a beautiful badge of honor for the quest. Maybe it is playing a game together when you get home just you and them. Get creative! As Humans we like rewards and you are creating a reward loop of positivity.
Okay, done. You took two minutes to design the blueprint first. The kids were focused on the items. Try it again in any situation and remember never to be reactive. Be prepared.
More ways to reinforce gratitude:
- Set an example: Thank your kids for doing things for you so they know how good appreciation feels.
- Give perspective: Tell them the truth about the world. This helps them develop gratitude for the privilege of having a bed to make and dishes to wash after a beautiful meal.
- Systemise gratitude: Every day, encourage your child to tell you three things they’re grateful for. They’ll start to see possibilities for joy everywhere.
- Discuss needs vs wants: Help kids see the difference between things they need for survival and things which are fun but unnecessary. Then they’re more grateful for treats in their lives.
What you’re asking kids for in family life is to enter into an agreement with you—to level up so the house is happy. That mutual respect leads to gratitude. Learning gratitude leads to better relationships, more empathy, greater joy.
